We all are trapped. Each one living a life within certain lines that one cannot pass. We ache to breathe and break free. Breaking free would either be a step towards something bigger or it would all fall apart.
P.S. This is just a thought.It has nothing to do with my current state of mind :)
We all are looking for that certain something. We know that it's some where close by and just when your mind is about to identify it, it seems to disappear. It's that something that keeps you going. A motive of some kind, a passion may be, or may be just a goal. Whatever it is, we are all running after it. Unless we are listening closely to our soul, we will always be looking for it in worldly gains. Someone heartbroken may say he lost his meaning of life; well, he's talking about his 'certain something'.
Shhh... Close your eyes... feel it sneak up on you... you suddenly feel a sense of happiness run through you... And just when you want to own it, just when you wish to take in every detail, it vanishes.
I guess, most of our 'certain somethings' paint a picture of a life we consider perfect. It vanishes; if it didn't, what would we be running after? What would happen to that motive to achieve better and better until, ultimately, that perfect world for us?
Of the strongest memories I have with me, dear mama, is one of you putting on lipstick before going to work every morning. How you loved to wear your favorite shade everyday, picking it out of all the rest. Delicately applying it over the upper lip, with me eyes all wide open, taking in every detail of how smoothly you did. Grace and beauty was and still comes so naturally to you. At times, I used to ask so many questions, momma, why don't you do the lower one before the first one? Why do you wear it every day? Can I wear it like you? When will I grow up and do the same? Will you also let me wear your high heels? Will I look as pretty as you do? She managed to give quick replies and eventually had to tell me to wait since my questions never ended. She applied the lipstick on her lower lip, faster than the first and moments later she was picture perfect. So many memories still etched in my heart momma. It's where you live; in my roots. In everything.
I hope you're doing well. I'm sorry I'm a very selfish person. I do want you to be happy but not too happy so that you start thinking how small I was in your life or forget me. I want you to miss me as much as I did all this time. We don't talk anymore so it's a relief i get to meet you in my dreams. That's the only place I have you with me. May be I will stop dreaming about you soon, the last connection between us will cease to exist and it will be then that I would tell myself I have lost you in this big bad world, lost you amongst so many faces.
I would never get to know how well you did in your career, how successful you became, how handsome you grew with years. Not being connected to you would have one and only one thing good about it and that would be not being able to know you got married to someone else and that you love her. Your words still hurt when you told me you did not give me even a fraction of love you can give to a girl. So, she will get 10 times of what you gave me.. I'm jealous, but I know one thing; she will never be able to know how it would be let you go and eventually lose you. How crying for you is a sweet pain in itself.
I miss those carefree days... the days when our friendship was at its best. Those fights we had over jealousies that made me cry, even that has a certain beauty to it still. I long to have those fights where we always patched up only to make our bond stronger.
I miss you... I hated to hear your voice the other day. You even sounded different; you sounded like you were away all those miles you always were. It was the first time I felt that distance.
... I was just someone you met in this big life, this world full of amazing people. I'm one of those people who come and go, a passer by. And being that, i cant ask for much. Good bye.
-- She folded the letter she never sent and wondered at the hazy memory and how the tears had stopped. She held it in her hands, feeling the paper with her finger tips, sides creased, evident it had been read and re-read a thousand times over the years. They say God always did what was best. She was stronger and happier. Back then, it seemed impossible she'd ever grow to love again. Fortunately, God had sent someone her way, someone who opened her heart to the world once again and taught it to bloom. Maybe he'd never know... Just.How.Much.
My eyes lit up as he swayed me to the music. In a split second, I discovered the fire in me, lighting up my very existence, with dreams, new possibilites, a new flair... He held my hand softly, and I felt like a painter's masterpiece. It was how I knew arts; art always came from a place within you that was the purest. And it came to you as a gift, something that you not define, but only express, in various forms. He made me feel like a piece of art. I felt like a thousand colors, all bright and beautiful, captivating, mesmerizing, enchanting. The colors that spoke to me each day, I was one of them now; a dazzling red one moment, a soothing blue the other, gentle as white, a sophisticated pink the other, yellow with a tinge of orange like the bright sun, a seductive black, a peaceful green the other... I laughed, and the sound of my laughter broke into a thousand little pieces that he said were like music to his ears, dancing around us, making the rhythms stronger, the air more dreamy. I suddenly knew passion with innocence, the distance that came with being close, knowing yourself completely for a moment, losing yourself to someone the other.
I wonder what it would be like to be a kid again. What it would be to play in the rain, laugh wholeheartedly once again, play in the dirt and get scolded by mama, but loved nonetheless. When friendships were all about how good you could ball, when you were told how close you were to God and all you needed to get heard was call Him. When **pink**was for girls as was Barbie and **blue** was for boys who were crazy about cars and dinkies hehe! When you had dreams no matter how difficult it was to make them come true, when every fairy tale had a and-they-lived-happily-ever-after. When life was simpler. When decisions were easy. When there was a rainbow. When there was a smile. When there was a finger you could curl your little fingers around. When family was the only world you knew.
I wanna be a kid again, mama's little girl. Is there a way back? :)
Okay so, let me tell you this: pretending to work hard is a hard work in itself. Every now and then, I'm put to test to see how still I can sit and for how long I can stare at the computer screen. The problem comes when my boss sees me trying to take a sneak peek at Facebook. No I'm not addicted to Facebook. I just need to check it every now and then.
Freshers are silly. They act smart. The worst is when they try hitting on a cute girl like me ahem! You're a senior? No way! Yea yea, I get it. They act smart. I play along till they get a lesson to behave with a senior. They don't call me Drama Queen for nothing. And since desperate times call for desperate measures, I always carry doses of chocolates with me. Chocolates can do wonders. Try it when you're feeling low. You'll be beaming in no time.
Chatting with a friend, I came across my 'thought of the day'. Drama queens are dangerous. They can be so troublesome. But they are girly too, 'Queens' duh, hehe! I know what you're thinking. Well, aren't they??
Sit down and think about your life without blogs or Facebook or Twitter or the Web for that matter. Throw the cell phone out too. There's a rush of information that you can do without. What's with all the constant yapping we do, and not to mention the current fever in Facebook: the 'Farm Ville' application. Yesterday I was notified some friend took all the pain in hoarding off stray sheeps from my farm. My farm? Sheeps? It's kinda scary you know. Okay coming back to throwning stuff out the window, wouldn't that be peaceful for some time? I, for one, can't remain content unless I have had some private time to myself. I have demon problems in my brain lately.
Oh, and yes, yesterday a fresher was found sleeping in his chair with his mouth open. Some seniors made a video and uploaded it on YouTube. Poor guy.
She waves her hand to the roaring crowd and they clap and shout even louder to welcome their queen. The guards are alert in case a frenzied fan runs off and tries to grab her in an attempt to hug her or kiss her hand. She giggles as she walks up to her throne.
. . . . .
Okay now, enough of the drama!
Welcome to my new blog guys. Forget the celeb-entry I just made, that was just to grab your attention hehe!
So I had no plans of starting a new blog. God knows I was having troubles updating the one that I already have. Actually I wasn't even present in Blogsville for last so many days and one day I come back with this urge to write whatever comes to my mind. Yea, it was a writer's block after all. Glad it's finally over.
So, keep coming back to this page more often, may be you'll get to see me here more often now. I intend to rant here to say the least haha!