What I'll not fall in love with...

Bid me farewell

When you look at me...

You just looked at me through the corner of your eyes. And the very instant, a realization hit me that all you really need to do to give me a reason is to look at me. Just a look and it feels like something unlocks inside me. I feel I can live through everything.

this sinking feeling...

... it's starting to eat me up now...

Innocence

Words can hurt

They say relationships are fragile. I say they are very strong. Relationships don't end for words.

Words can hurt.

Home

I'm tired and exhausted. I need plenty of sleep to wash all of this away. When do I get to go Home again?

Words escape me as I try to write down what I feel. I have to write. Or do I? When did it become an obligation? I love words, yet they fail me each time I try to form something out of them.

Thoughts run through my head. Most of them are aimless. But I know they point to something important. They creep in like a thief in the night, and when I'm about to grab hold of them, they escape.

I have known people, and loved them for every thing they are and aren't. And now that I do know them, I try to break free from all feelings of attachment or something I may owe to anyone. I'm testing my limits, trying to see how long I can live without actually living. Can I escape into nothingness forever? Is there a permanent solace? Or do I have to resort to hiding? I've been hiding long enough already, being someone I'm not, lying. Can we fool the world? Or are we fooling only ourselves? Is running away from yourself a good option? What happens when we lie down with ourselves? When it's just us with ourselves? Can we escape then? Who to lie to?

How do I clearly remember who I once was?

I don't.

I will come back... very soon.

Her Last Letter

Dear Jonny,

I hope you're doing well. I'm sorry I'm a very selfish person. I do want you to be happy but not too happy so that you start thinking how small I was in your life or forget me. I want you to miss me as much as I did all this time. We don't talk anymore so it's a relief i get to meet you in my dreams. That's the only place I have you with me. May be I will stop dreaming about you soon, the last connection between us will cease to exist and it will be then that I would tell myself I have lost you in this big bad world, lost you amongst so many faces.

I would never get to know how well you did in your career, how successful you became, how handsome you grew with years. Not being connected to you would have one and only one thing good about it and that would be not being able to know you got married to someone else and that you love her. Your words still hurt when you told me you did not give me even a fraction of love you can give to a girl. So, she will get 10 times of what you gave me.. I'm jealous, but I know one thing; she will never be able to know how it would be let you go and eventually lose you. How crying for you is a sweet pain in itself.

I miss those carefree days... the days when our friendship was at its best. Those fights we had over jealousies that made me cry, even that has a certain beauty to it still. I long to have those fights where we always patched up only to make our bond stronger.

I miss you... I hated to hear your voice the other day. You even sounded different; you sounded like you were away all those miles you always were. It was the first time I felt that distance.


... I was just someone you met in this big life, this world full of amazing people. I'm one of those people who come and go, a passer by. And being that, i cant ask for much. Good bye.

Mia.

--
She folded the letter she never sent and wondered at the hazy memory and how the tears had stopped. She held it in her hands, feeling the paper with her finger tips, sides creased, evident it had been read and re-read a thousand times over the years. They say God always did what was best. She was stronger and happier. Back then, it seemed impossible she'd ever grow to love again. Fortunately, God had sent someone her way, someone who opened her heart to the world once again and taught it to bloom. Maybe he'd never know... Just.How.Much.